Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25! (Octal 31 = Decimal 25)
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
If the box says, "This software requires Windows XP or better," does that mean it'll run on linux?
How long does it take to copy a file in Vista? Yeah, I don't know either, I'm still waiting to find out.
Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
There are no shortcuts in life, unless you right click and find one...
Q: What is the difference between a programmer and a non-programmer ?
A: The non-programmer thinks a kilobyte is 1000 bytes while a programmer is convinced that a kilometer is 1024 meters
A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician are staking out an empty house.
They see two people walk in.
Later, they see three people walk out.
The biologist says, "They must have multiplied!"
The engineer says, "I think it was measurement error."
The mathematician says, "Now, if exactly one person walks into the house, it will have zero people in it again."
Q: How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
A: Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it
When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.
With C you can shoot yourself in the leg. With C++ you can reuse the bullet.
The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results.
The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results.
The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.
The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity etc.). Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!" All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair.
The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear me?"
"No, I'am e to x", says the exponential self-confidently.
"Well" replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?"
One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.
The fire chief says, "Well, you look like a good guy. I'd be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test."
The firechief takes the mathematician to the alley behind the fire department which contains a dumpster, a spigot, and a hose. The chief then says, "OK, you're walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What do you do?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, I hook up the hose to the spigot, turn the water on, and put out the fire."
The chief says, "That's great... perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if you're walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?"
The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, "I light the dumpster on fire."
The chief yells, "What? That's horrible! Why would you light the dumpster on fire?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I've already solved."